oohh..whatta bad day..really bad.i feel soo blue.i cant laugh.i hate myself for holding on to false hopes.i hate myself for being a fool., and letting myself believe on things that obviously will never happen. its hard to see him pretending nothing happened.its hard coz he makes me feel something..its hard coz everytime i look at him.,i can see theres really something..its hard to let him go., its hard coz i know he was never mine. i should have stopped..i shouldnt have let my fantasy continue even after the prom night. everything that happned that night was just until there...and i have thought of that prespective..yet i was so hard..i still hanged on..i loved him taking all the risks..and now he made me cry ..and im such a fool..its my fault..i should have avoided myself..ii should have stayed away from him..i shouldnt have listened to the voices that makes my feelings go fonder..why did this happen so early??there's nothing more that he could give me.and i know that.theres nothing he could do for me. theres nothing more would happen. all we have right now is just hi's and hellows. and it hurts me soo bad. the way he talks.,the way he smiles..the way he stares..the way he asks questions.the way he makes me feel he like me too..all of these was just a lie. his eyes were lying.i thought i'll be happy..he was someone i have always wished to have. i never expected i would fall for him..i never thought that someone like him existed..i never thought that i could get close to him that night..he was someone i thought very different. the way he makes me laugh made me fall for him.oohh..this is a sh*t.he came into my life just to hurt me and letting me feel im a loser. and now im giving up. i cant hold on anymore. . i cant do it anymore. i cant love him anymore. i dont want to wait for him. and if hating him is the only way i could forget about this feeling then i have to do that. its hard but i have to..today., i talked to him..he touched my hand..and if i didnt know about the GF thingie i should have been spazzing in this entry rather than telling all my pain.the pain that made me cry infront of my friends.the pain that irritates me. the pain that i never felt before. ohh well..life goes on. he wont love me as much as i do. and i have to accept that. im just the gurl whom he thought never existed. the gurl who would pass infront of him wihtout him noticing. the gurl who have hoped. the gurl who onced love him soo much. the gurl whom he made happy for a one special night(prom)..the girl whom he have hurt.the girl who cries for him until now..., -->>and since i'll be moving on., he will be the guy whom i thought never existed., the guy who came into my life just to let me feel the pain i shouldnt feel. the guy who let me hanged on to false hopes. the guy who has a liar eyes. he is just a guy that would forever be a part of my past.

Labels: love

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