okay..okay..i went to the place where everything started..when i started to fall and wish for someone..i know that the feelings doesn't exist anymore, ive been up to a lot of things already, hell everything that ive been through was really hard., ive cried so much ,i know he have hurt me ..and the damage that he made in my life made my life come to its worst..i really cant explain through words how i felt yesterday..its hard seeing him still the same and nothing has changed. he's making everything hard for me., but i don't know if he could feel it., talking to him just like that seems so hard., acting like hell., pretending that i was never hurt..was really hard., yesterday i wanna tell him everything...how much i loved him.,how much tears ive wasted just to let go of him..how many nights ive cried ., how he made my life effin chaotic..ive been through to everything already..and after a few months of going through all these..im new again.i know i made it..i had let go of him.i got tired of chasing and trying to fix everything., too exhausted to cry late at night and listening to all this bullshit songs, locking myself in my room..everything i used to do since we broke up made me tired and so my heart had let go on its own. but i have to admit that every inch of change ive made was still for him..ive changed so much since then..i want to prove to him that im such a lost..and i know i made it but im not happy., i know im not..revenge would not really make me better..oh well everything that had happened yesterday was exactly what i wish to happen for so long. fuck! i hate myself for having to feel like this..i know he have been a very huge part of my life..ive given up almost everything for him..i don't miss him honestly..i dont even love him anymore..but i dont want to see him getting hurt.,i mean i want everything to be fair for the both of us..ive longed for his sincerity,ive longed for his love ., and now that he could give everything that ive longed for so long , i cant accept anymore..coz i have let go of the feelings i once felt. oh well, what a tragic meteoric fantasy. life goes on..im honestly wishing for his happiness with someone else. . coz i want to be happy without him in my life.

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